8:01: Lara: “Is this theme song new?” Unfortunately, no.
8:02: “The best way to start the day is sweaty and a little hurtin’.” I’ll take your word for it, Sarah. ALSO: She’s wearing ankle socks with the Republican elephant on it.
8:03: We liberals are supposed to be “wee-wee’d up” about something about a baby shower and a shooting range? I don’t even know what emotion that describes.
8:04: We’re reasonably certain she did not actually fire the shot that hit that clay pigeon.
8:08: Oh my god. They’re fishing. You all are aware of my marine life phobia, right? They’re commercial-fishing halibut. So disgusting. I might not be able to handle this.
8:15: Willow seems unpleasant.
8:17: “I’m wearing army sunglasses!” -Sarah. That seems relevant to the plot?
8:18: Oh my god. Dead fish. Everywhere. I’m going to retch.
ALSO: The boat is named “bear.” Drink twice for any potential reference to mama grizzlies!
8:20: Last episode was all about commuter plane deaths; this episode is all about commuter fishing boat deaths. Really uplifting.
8:25: “This show contains material that may be disturbing to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.” Oh, like billy-clubbing halibut? Just maybe?
8:26: The way Alaskans say “boat” is even worse than the way Californians say “boat.” (Sorry, possible Californian readers. Your accent is perfectly un-irritating otherwise, I swear.)
8:30: I can’t handle this marine life situation. There is a starfish with all these little tentacles and it regenerated one and now the veins are on the outside and blerg. Just blerg.
8:31: These fish are like the size of my torso. And Sarah Palin is weirdly gleeful about clubbing them while they flop around. After the break, they’re going to bleed them so that their meat stays white. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger.
8:36: THIS IS SO GROSS. But, don’t worry, it’s a good way for Bristol to “get [her] aggression out.” So much blood! And marine life!
If my mom ever proposed this as a bonding activity… okay, that’s just a ridiculous hypothetical. She would be even more disgusted by this than I am.
8:38: They’re touching the fish hearts. Gag reflex has been officially activated.
8:45: So many otters! This is kind of making up for the fish. I want to go kayaking with otters.
8:46: Sarah, to the kayaking guide: “Eric! You look like Jesus! We’re in good hands.” They also just sighted a bald eagle. I was just going to request to be euthanized, but the otters came back and I can’t stop smiling. They are so damn cute.
(I realize that I’m failing on the gender portion of this blog, but Sarah hasn’t made any comments yet about which sex should be responsible for familial incomes. I would obviously report any such comments with watchdog-like vigilance.)
8:50: Fish again. Yack, yack, yack.
8:57: Clams now. But my girl Piper is helping out! She is fierce.
8:58: A recipe for halibut with mayo and sour cream? Really?
This has been the most gag-worthy moment of my life. If it weren’t for Piper and otter, no sane person would have possibly aired it.
